Filming - Backstory of Concept

Greetings

Warning:

Subject matter might upset or trigger some people, also has mention of swear words.

So the backstory of my one minute short film is based on personal experience during the lockdown in New Zealand.

So I'll be posting some drawings that I drawn during this time and some of my dairy/messages I wrote down.

Also if during reading this you worried about me, don't worry I'm a lot better now. It's more easier now days and I have found a purpose to continue living.

This message is a message to my work manager and best friends (Sent in May):

Pills are sitting on the counter.

Sitting there to remind me to take them.

But at this moment, They are easy temptation.

There is something following me, I don't know what, I don't know when it'll go away, But I know it's here for me.

A darkness just lurking, Enjoying its job to mock me. Whatever I say, Whatever I do, It doesn't go away.

I hear disappointment of my friends and family, "why are you like this", "what's wrong with you", They clearly can't see it haunting me.

I wouldn't wish this on no one, Even my worst enemy, if I had one. I don't understand why its around me.

I haven't done anything wrong, That I know is true. All I know is the lies of things I didn't do. Or are they lies?

I just want to give up, But I know it's selfish, Also people I care about it, Would hate me more if I did.

Please, Please, Please to God, Whatever you are, can you go away?

I understand you want to torture me, But I don't understand why? I understand I can do better, But it's hard with you over my shoulder.

I want to make my family proud, My mother, Father, And brother. Even though I know somedays they don't care.

I don't want to leave my partner behind, But I feel like he'll be better without me. Same with my best friend, They don't need me as a burden.

My manager, The most kind hearted man. He has the most up respect from me, Even though somedays it doesn't seem like I give it. I want to make him proud too.

I have too much of a big heart, It hurts me. I want to go cold, But I did that before, and it didn't go well.

Fake smile hurts, I want to give up so, So, so mother f***ING badly. But I know it's wrong.

I don't think I can take this anymore. I promise I wouldn't do anything stupid tonight, But I can't promise tomorrow.

If you are reading this, I love you, Also you are one of the reason, I haven't leave yet.

So, please don't tell or show anyone else this. I trust you. I'm weak right now. And I'm sorry about that.

I know you might be overwhelmed by this, But trust me I'm safe tonight. And if I see you next please don't act weird. Idk what to do. And I felt like you should know.

Sorry, and have a good night. Love ya. Stay safe out there.

I also did a drawing with it to express how I've been feeling and what it feels like to have.

I also found more drawings I did to try and let the feeling go.

The feeling of being trapped and feeling like something is controlling me.